The Leek

Still reeling from the triumph of Democrat Josh Gottheimer over right-wing darling Scott Garrett in the November election, Sussex County Republicans recently received a second blow upon learning that their Democratic counterparts are mounting a challenge for all three of District 24’s seats in the State House, as well as for county freeholder.

sergei-kislyak-450.jpgIn response, a panicked GOP is frantically hoping to restock its coffers (being the party of the “forgotten man” means, alas, that its base is kind of low on cash) by hastily putting together a star-studded fundraiser.

Noting that “by now everybody knows who’s really in charge anyway,” the Sussex County GOP announced that Sergey Kislyak, Russian ambassador to the United States, will be keynote speaker and master of ceremonies at the “Pin the Blame on the Donkeys” gala to be held on May Day at a venue tba.

Organizers hope to add Charleton Heston, Ted Nugent, Scott Baio and the Duggar Family Violin Orchestra to the line-up, but say that given the low lead time, they may wind up featuring a variety of local church choirs and children’s choruses instead. No problem, they say, as “If child ‘classical crossover’ singers and youtube piano players are good enough for the Inaugural Gala, the ‘entertainment of the common man’ is certainly good enough for us.”